Breaking Free from Judgment: Choosing Where Your Energy Goes

Isn’t it a pain when annoying things happen, and you feel your personal comfort shaken by other people's behavior? Yep, welcome to my world of 'me vs. other people doing things that annoy me’.

I just want to relax and be comfortable. I thought it was about other people changing themselves for me. But no it wasn’t, it was about me making the change within my very own brain. 


Changing this sounds easy right? It sure isn’t.


This is the type of pattern I’m talking about:


  • I see something.

  • A thought arises.

  • I attach an emotional judgment to the thought.

  • Off I go on the Emotional Train.


Let's use an example:


What I Observe: Someone driving fast in a car.

Thought: "Fast driving car."

Emotional Judgment: "What an idiot! Can't they see what they're doing?"

Emotional Train: I spend the next few minutes focusing all my available time and energy on watching the car and judging the driver.


Now, you might ask, "Well, why is this a problem?". I’ve  just spent all my available energy focusing on something that didn't require action. They were driving fast, but not in a dangerous way. If they were driving dangerously, then I'd pull over and call the police.


Would I prefer to spend my time and energy on someone's behavior that impacts me in no way whatsoever? Or would I prefer to spend that energy on myself? Maybe spend a few moments thinking about how much I love my dog, or how grateful I was to have such a nice lunch today?


Recognising this pattern of wasted energy is what motivated me to break out of automatic, unconscious thought ("what an idiot") towards giving myself a choice. The choice is: "Do I want to think and judge this person, or do I want to be grateful for the good things in my life?"


While I'm still a work in progress, I'm much better at recognising my judgmental and critical thoughts and how they like to attach themselves to initial observations, sending me on an Emotional Train ride. At the start, I was already racing down the train tracks to the next town before I realised I'd been hijacked. It's all about the practice. There are times now when I'm able to catch the emotional thought before it sticks to the original observation (“a fast car”)


The best tool for me around my sticky thoughts was self-observation. Because these reactions were so unconscious I didn’t realise I was doing them. Being able to start by noticing myself was the first step in making change.


Noticing that I was having a judgement thought was the first step, the next step was slowly tracing it back to the neutral action and thought. As I got better at that, I was able to catch myself JUST as the sticky thought was about to hijack me. And I could make the decision to think of how much I enjoyed my cheese toastie for lunch. This gradual process of noticing has been the key to reclaiming my energy and my peace of mind.


This practice of observing and choosing where to direct my energy isn't just about avoiding negative emotions; it's about actively cultivating a life that feels easier, calmer, and more aligned with where I want to focus my attention. Isn’t that something we all want to experience, even just a little?

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