It Was No Longer Me, So I Made A Big Decision

Let me walk you through the last few months.

I started a job that at first felt great. I was connecting with people, guiding them through projects, listening, supporting them and coming to really care for them as individuals.

At the same time, I was doing the work I’ve known for years: finding requirements, writing test plans, figuring out logistics, training, coordinating with project managers and product leads. Using familiar skills I could do with my eyes closed.

Then we did the round one of testing, and as predicted there were lots of requirements missing. Not a big deal, until it was. Schedules weren't going to be met, people starting to react. And I felt it, the stress of being in a corporate machine and being squeezed. Nervous systems start to fry, managers start getting angry, my voice being shut down.

After a winter of having high energy levels, I felt like I was powering down, I wanted to go but my body seemed to be stopping. Spring came, and a horrific cough/cold put me in bed for a week.

During that week, everything shut down, all I was just trying to do is get to the next momement because the sinus and cough pain was constant. Living totally in the momement.

The next week I worked from home still didn't feel great but trying to “switch back on” for work, but nothing was happening. And I slowly realised over a couple of days, I just couldn't work like this anymore. I'd made some amazing changes to my personal life, but my work life wasn't aligned with who I've become.

So what did I do? I talked with my partner, figured out a new budget, and handed in four weeks’ notice yesterday. I feel relief and excitement about what's next. No idea what that is yet. But I guess we'll find out.

I thought I’d share the message I sent to my managers here as part of my resignation. I felt so strong as I was writing it, it felt like my truth:

It feels like the last few years have been leading me to this point, even though I didn’t want to see it. Last night, my partner and I sat down and did a budget because I’m taking a break from I.T. Whether that’s for a few months or something more permanent, I’m not sure yet.

Right now, my goal is to follow joy. And what does joy look like for me?

It’s about making small, feel-good connections each day, away from a computer screen. For example, working at a cafe and making hot drinks for tired mothers, doctors, school teachers, just everyday people. Creating a moment where someone feels a little bit better about their day.

To do that, I need to let go of two things:

The need to be in control by fixing things (like testing in a project)

The attachment to money (because I.T. pays incredibly well)

I don’t want to be in control anymore. It exhausts me.

And when it comes to money, I need to shift my mindset. I want money to work for me, not the other way around. If that means stripping things back, then so be it. I have so much stuff, and I keep buying more because part of my life isn’t happy.

Then there’s the fear. Letting go of a whole work life and stepping into the unknown is a huge risk. But what is life without risk?

I need to embrace the fear, walk through it, and see where I end up. All I know is this: each day, I want to follow joy. And I need less, not more.

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